Thursday, June 3, 2010

Why Want, Mine, Now?

Why is it so difficult to give up the things we want?
Even/Especially when those things are clearly not quite right for us or even possible for us to use, possess, or benefit from?
Why do I cling so feverishly to the things I feel robbed of?
And I'm not necessarily talking of things that are bad, mostly things that occupy or distract me. Some of those things I submit are even good things but there is a time and a place for everything and I CONSTANTLY find myself trying to force the time and the place for things I want to have or do.
Why? Why is the wanting so difficult to let go?
Even when my rational mind can articulate all the explanations necessary. All the perfectly adequate and should-be-satisfying explanations, sometimes, cannot quench my thirst for the things that I want whether its more time to do crafts and read or to buy whatever the heck I want at the grocery store without having to completely readjust my menu to stay within my budget or forgo a type of meal because the ice cream is on sale and I'd rather have that right now. Silly. But it's what I want. BOTH of which are completely beyond my reach right now.
Why do I feel robbed of me-time? Apart from the obvious. I do have three children but WHY spend a significant portion of my time with them consumed with the thoughts of other things I'd like to be doing? Because I'm selfish. And "the wanting" is hard to let go. I'm FREQUENTLY reminding myself that parenting isn't about me, parenting is about my kids and that's why its so important! and so hard.
I'm still looking for the ever evasive and invisible line where one crosses from 'taking care of me so I can take care of them' to 'taking care of me instead of taking care of them.' The tips I stumble upon in my quest I will pass along and if I ever find the line and the balance, I'll let you know. Vice-Verse, I hope.
Why Want, Mine, Now? These are words adults associate with children. Unfortunately, we haven't learned to curtail or control them yet either. But we're big and thereby, entitled, right? Does it ever become a prerogative to own such words--young, old, white, black, blue, green, or orange?
Why not Content, Share, Patience? Because that's hard and innately selfless. Selfless=work=hard=most of us give up before we get there. Myself included, sometimes.
Let's try again.

the above image is from

1 comment: